CRAZY/BEAUTIFUL

Nagstart ang araw ko na nakasmile. For some cosmic reason, I woke up feeling na hindi pagod miski galing sa work. Then nagstart na ang preparation ko for this big event when i woke up earlier than planned.

I swear, whatever I was wearing for the concert was special. As in feeling ko maganda ako at
nagprepare talaga ko ng isusuot ko. As much as possible yung panu ko nirerepresent sarili ko at panu ko gusto kong  makita ko ng big four boys ko, that’s Ely, Raimund. Marcus and Buddy for you.

Then sa venue, wala na kong maisip na iba kung hindi, "Tang***. Nandito ako." I was facing the stage. May lcd/lead lights whatever. Just like the one sa video ng Coldplay in Speed of Sound.

Sabi ko, "Tang***, i never thought that dito ko pa sa Pnas maexperience tong light show na to."

I was super giddy the whole time. I was with my best buds, Kat, Blaise, Airs, Drew and Ced. Ok na, steady na ko. Then nag bet -an pa kme what is the possible first song they would play. Ced voted for "Alapaap," eventually, siya winner, runner up si Airs for voting "Ligaya." Ako, wala sa top two answers ko, i was voting for a fast long like "Superproxy" or "Minsan" para super emotional kagad. Pero one thing was for sure though, sabi ko iiyak ako pag they sing "With A Smile."

Fcuk. I cried nga. Panalo.

So ayun. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4…. May hydrolics yun stage. Nagwawala na ko…3, 2, 1 Up came the boys. "TANGINA! ERASERHEADS NA! TANGINA! NANDITO AKO!!!" ayan ganyan talga, as in. Yehess, nagwawala ako. Unang chords pa lng ng Alapaap wala na kong boses. They sang, they played. May fireworks on stage. TANGINA.

Panalo, every song they played. Everyone were singing along, not missing a word, except sa
mga bwakanang tao (handful lang naman) na ndi ko alam bakit naman nandun. Sayang sa
space!!! Argh… Anyway, ayun nga. Sta ako along with happy boy Ced, sang along to every Eraserheads song.

Natunaw puso ko when they sang "Huwag Mo Nang Itanong." Tunaw na tunaw.

People were screaming, "Group hug! Group hug!" Sa isip ko, ‘wag! Baka mag walk out,’ but no. Dirediretso ang tugtugan. Ang hirap nga kantahin yung kanta na habang sinasabayan mo yung mismong lyrics, gusto mo din kantahin yung guitar parts, pati second voice, gusto mo kantahin. Example: Sembreak.. naaalala kita pag uumu– (Seheemmbreak) lan. ganyan.

Up until now, 4:51 am of Aug31, i still feel like nasa limbo ako. Hindi ko madescribe. One  moment nasa heaven ka then you’ll find out they had to stop the concert.

Yehess, ELy was brought to the hospital. Yes, everyone on stage didn’t know how to say that to 30000 happy people. They asked for 1 minute of silence and they got it. What’s nice pa is that no one said boo’s or hindi, ituloy yan. Wala. Ganyan magmahal yung fans.

What breaks my heart too, is the fact that, and maybe, the overflowing love in the venue was too much for Ely’s wounded heart. It was surreal kse. ANg hirap describe. I just feel that the band was overwhelmed that after ilang years (1 decade, plus plus) people still know every Eraserheads’ song, by heart.

Panalo.

My personal speculation, they love playing with each other and we love that too. They love to
see and know that people still love them after all these years, and ako, I can’t stop loving them.

This concert IS THE BEST CONCERT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE. Lahat na ng biases pasok niyo, i don’t  care. I love singing along to OPM songs, mas may heart. That was the best 1hour and half of my life.

Anyway, another personal speculation, and yung nagpapabreak talaga ng heart ko now, as in
umiyak na naman ako pag uwi ko while making kwento to my sister (yehess, make kwento,
sosyal)… Tinapos ni Ely isang buong set for us fans, even though nahihirapan na pala siya. And for that, Ely, I AM GIVING YOU ALL MY HEART.

At may chance na hindi na ito mauulit ulit. I’m so glad I was there. E-heads, I hope you felt the
love that we gave you. All heart yun, 100%.

Party
People in

Palawan

What I am
doing in

Palawan

, when in fact we have a
target launch date by the end of the month? What was I thinking?

I was
thinking of nothing else but the perfect excuse for a breather. Although in any work I had, I’d rather feel
that I am being exhausted than to feel nothing at all. When I am at the peak of
pressure, that’s where I do think I work the best. To clarify, I am loving my
current work (hello officemates, hehe), but on my 6^th week I did
feel like I am running out of creative juices. I had to step out for a moment
so as not to get the “burn down” thing, or whatever it is. And I hate it when I
have crappy ideas, crappy ideas means crappy work. And I hate it when I have
crappy work. Sad.

Anyway the
party people in

Palawan

consisted of the usual
players, that would be me, Blaise, Jage and our Party People in Palawan Planner,
Ced. Ang saya sa Palawan, ang ganda sa Palawan at ang sarap sa

Palawan

. Once again, I was in a lagoon, my most favorite water
form, kasi still water. Haha. Like the lagoon in Siargao you have to get out of
the boat and pass by a cave to get through. Ayun, while paddling you have to
watch your head and say hi to the talabas by the cave’s entrance. We also had
the chance to frolic in the

Philippines

Cleanest

Lake

.
Sosyal. Haha. Ang hirap magswim though, walang buoyancy, therefore a life vest
was a must. Nakakapagod mag paddle. To visualize

Palawan

,
please see our photos. Haha.

As I said
the F that I am doing in

Palawan

is to have a
breather and I breather I had. What for? To alleviate dangerous pressure, haha,
and two, the biggest decision in my life has to be made. *sighs*

Things
happened oh so quickly. I talked to some friends about it (the dilemma that
needed decision making) and the answers they gave me where from all over thus
making my decision making a little tougher. Mga loko.

Frustrating.

The most
that I wish to get from that trip was peace of mind. I need that peace of mind
to start doing better in my work and hopefully make a decision.

 I was supposed to write this one
primarily but I’m overwhelmed by the Japanese t’novela so I did that thing
first. But this could be more interesting, as this one is attuned with my
reality.

 Yehess, you read that right HELP DATE
WANTED.

 Again to my friends this is a no
secret. I have been looking for daters and date nights. My friends not included,
in the dates I mean. They also know why I even need a date. High school buds
even made snide remarks if I am that
desperate. No matter how I try to explain things to them the response they
would understand was “yes, I am desperate”. Explaining to them is futile that a
‘yes’ would suffice. However I didn’t see my way as desperate. I think it is
fun. And I do believe that it would be
fun if I just have more dates?

 How do I look for dates? Once, I
asked someone I knew if he knew guys who are in the same situation as I was.
Any guy whose mind set was just to go out and have fun. Simple lang naman. Yun
lang naman din gusto ko. I want to eat out, I want to watch a movie without my
usual company. That was one way. The other way in my date searching quest is
asking friends to find me a date. Hehe. But I guess they think that I’m just
joking. Well I’m not.

 The ulterior motive to this whole ordeal
shall be made known in time. Hehe.

 Well so far I only had one. And it
was not even a date, I think the guy was kind enough to bring me out for a pity
date. Haha. But it went worth it. And it wasn’t just with a random guy just in
case you are wondering.

Prior to that one night I had pre-dating jitters. I never
went out on an actual date with a real date for a very looooong time now,
the closest that I had to real dates were with my girl friend, if not with my
sister. The whole technicalities of dating I had to learn. Who pays what? When
to text messaged back? And stuff. Dating has so many terms and technicalities
pala! Haha.

On that first big dating break of mine, so to speak, it went
smoothly naman. I mean there’s nothing to be nervous about naman pala. Ganun
naman dapat diba? It was fun and that is why I’m looking for more date nights.

You might find me pathetic sharing my almost non-existent
dating life. No I’m not pathetic. No I am not lame. And no I am not desperate.
I’m just in my most positive outlook when in comes to the whole dating game.

If you’re wondering what type of guy would I go out with? I
just want to meet someone new.

I might faint if you’re a dead ringer for any of the
following: Michael Scoffield, yes the character, Eliott Yamin, Dylan Ababou,
Tyler McNiven, Shia LeBeouf, this Nate guy from Beauty and the Geek, Andy
Samberg, Josh Groban, and anyone from The Strokes. I may love pretty boys but
the common denominator among all these pretty boys aside from curly hair (yes
Wentworth has curly hair) is: they are a character. I mean that in a good
way. Beyond their looks is that thing
that makes me want to be with them. They’re all fun and smart. If you’re a guy
think of it as I want to date girls like Kirsten Dunst, Zooey Deschanel and
Natalie Portman. That may help you in figuring me out.

There. So spread the love.

As most of my friends would know I could sit in for 12
straight hours or more, in front of a monitor tirelessly reading English
subtitles in any foreign language films or telenovelas. It is difficult to try
and catch up the text with the sounds foreign actors make. What is more
difficult, is trying to read them while sobbing and wiping tears off my eyes.  But what is even more difficult is trying to not get caught by my dad! He has this
unusual habit of waking up in an ungodly hour and check on us.

You know that it is annoying when people who just woke up
from sleep can be so masungit. It’s either my dad would get mad because the TV
and the player are on for 12 straight hours or just that we’re still up at 4am,
and still watching when he wakes up again by 8am and still doing it until 11am.

And to counter this sneak attack, I devised a plan. I would
divide my watching time: 4 hours using the TV + player, then 4 hours using a
desktop computer, then another four hours using the laptop. That’s my answer to
overusing appliances. As for me not sleeping, there’s still no solution to that
especially when you get attached to Kenzos, Jeijuns and Feigongs.

Asian telenovelas never fail in making me cry. Like a baby
at that! It is hilarious. I’m sobbing like a three year old! Take note, aIl the asian telenovelas I watched made
me bawl for hours! Nakakahiya, haha. They
not only make me bawl, they make me feel like a high schooler again. Yung
kinikilig ka lang talaga that you just have to curl on your bed, hug your
pillows and have this cheesy smile from ear to ear. Plus! May shrieks pa ‘yon.

My brother has been telling me about this Japanese
telenovela he and his friends came across upon. And since starting with my new
job (woohoo for me!!!), I’ve been pretty busy and tired and has since been
sleeping earlier than what I was normally used to. The cd he handed me has been
in my bag for days now. I took the time and watched it early morning just this
Sunday after I came from a debut. (Kamusta naman at nag aattend pa ko ng
debuts?!) 5 minutes into the whole thing, I knew I would do the whole dvd
marathoning again.

True enough, I finished the whole telenovela within the day.
It was just a short one, 11 episodes one hour playing time each. Number of buckets
cried? Madami.

I’m not sure if I shall disclose the title of the Japanese
t’novela. However if you’re interested, just ask me. Why I am keeping it for? I
don’t know.

Anyway it is one of the most krafty stories I’ve ever
watched. Plus most of us could relate to it. The usual bestfriends since kids
story done in the most sincere way possible. The guy kept holding on to his
feelings and the girl resigning over the fact that she loves him but holding on
to it as well. The guy can’t confess just because. The girl on the other didn’t
say anything naman when something nice was done by the guy. The telenovela sort
of explained why people in such relationships do things the way they do it.
Somehow some things are universal pala talaga. They maybe Japanese but they
showed the philosophy behind it very well.

I was moved by the t’novela because it made me appreciate
things and taught me to appreciate those little things. Gets? Ako, I would
trade anything to have that bestfriend of hers.

Sighs.

I love it.

He
could have the world in his hands without even knowing that he can.

How
would a 21 year old feel when he finally accepts the fact that he has indeed
won the girls over? He is so lucky that he is being loved from afar.

What
is more amazing is that all this, and he still has his feet on the ground.

That’s
why he is loved.

I
wonder what it’s like to be always around him.

My
whole time space continuum stopped the first time I almost bumped into him in campus.

He
walked clumsily, like a drunk or a monkey swinging. He wore a rimless eyeglass
and a crisp polo worn tidily. And he smiled at me.

He
smiled at me.

He
was 19 then. I was 22. Woe is me!

I
loved him the first time I saw him on court. Why. Why? Why?! And now he is this
demi-god playing on my mind. He is a sexy sexy boy, and I love him more. All
6’3” of him.

I
wish I could have him.

I
want my own geeky boy.